Thursday, May 1, 2008

Nerves and anticipation

Last night, I started to have a bit of anxiety about my trip. It's nothing specific, just the feeling of embarking on something big. I guess it's natural... And to get myself out of that mode of thinking, I started imagining all of the cool things I will see.

I am really looking forward to the Grand Canyon. I think it's one of those things that is hard to grasp the scale of, unless you're right there. And then, I'm not even sure you get it. But I'm hoping it fills me with a sense of the numinous nature of the world. Dictionary.com defines

nu·mi·nous(nōō'mə-nəs, nyōō'-) adj.
of or relating to a numen; supernatural.
Filled with or characterized by a sense of a supernatural presence: a numinous place.
Spiritually elevated; sublime.

I felt this way when I was in the Louvre in Paris. My breath caught in my chest, and I had a feeling of something overwhelming for a few minutes. It was joy, excitement, awe...all just mind-blowing. I wouldn't define it as religious... I consider myself to be agnostic. I feel like there is something larger at work, but I don't know what it is or even if it is conscious...and forming a belief system around something so mysterious seems silly. But the sense of awe, the feeling of being grateful, was overwhelming. It was a good, opening experience, and I hope to have another on this trip.

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